FORGIVENESS
“As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.”
— Nelson Mandela, Long Walk to Freedom
Forgiveness is a funny thing.
It often carries with it the scent of weakness. Like, in expressing it, we somehow are giving our moral stamp of approval to the wrongs inflicted upon us or others we care about. On the other hand, a cold stare, the ultimate hope for revenge, the hardening of our hearts feels strong and resolute.
Nothing could be further from the truth. Forgiveness is hard, scary, and … yes … courageous work.
Our brand of forgiveness does NOT mean forgetting. Or condoning. It means taking our power back. Swapping freedom for bitterness.
When we can truly forgive someone who has wronged us, we are the beneficiary. We create space in our minds and souls for other emotions: love, connectedness, universalism. We become beneficent. We take the power. And, yes, we can finally move on.
Of all of the Scare Your Soul challenges, forgiveness can be the hardest. And you are ready for it.
Whatever the past wrongs in your life that hang like wet, weighted blankets across your shoulders, now is the time when you can let it go. And it begins slowly and with small, brave steps.
Your SYS Forgiveness Challenge is…
ARIANA STARKMAN, AMBASSADOR
RECONNECT WITH ONE OLD FRIEND
Forgiveness begins with the small, brave opening up to another person. Taking the first step is often the hardest part. That’s what this challenge is all about. Taking that important first step.
Your challenge is simple and powerful.
Before you begin… We encourage you to print out this challenge’s worksheet so that you can write down your thoughts as you go.
LET’s BEGIN BY REFLECTING:
Can you think of three people who used to be present in your life but aren’t anymore? (For any reason.) What are their names?
- ___________________________________________________
- ___________________________________________________
- ___________________________________________________
Now Think. What happened?
Was there an event or argument which separated you? A misunderstanding? Did you just drift apart from each other, and now it seems awkward to connect? Did they wrong you in some way – or did you wrong them?
Look at the names you wrote down.
Which one of them feels scariest to contact? That’s the one for this challenge.
MAKE CONTACT
If you can find their contact information, your goal is to reach out to them. Yes, this will most likely make you feel anxious. Push through.
The best way we’ve found to begin is just to be boldly honest:
- Tell them that you have been thinking about them, and want to re-connect
- Tell them you miss them
- Tell them that you want to discuss openly any misunderstandings or hard feelings
- Be prepared to offer an apology … or offer forgiveness … as part of this reconnection
The goal here is NOT to create a new best friend. It is to reach out to someone who used to mean something to you, and to bravely reconnect the broken bridge between you. It is up to you how to move forward. Maybe it’s just one conversation. Maybe it’s more. The goal is doing it.
A quick note: If you liked this challenge, the new Scare Your Soul book has an entire chapter on how to practice what we call “radical forgiveness.” It features inspiring stories, the science behind how we forgive and its benefits, more in-depth writing prompts and deep work on how you can free yourself from bitterness.
If you are interested in sharing your experience, e-mail us at contact@scareyoursoul.com
But the prime beneficiary of the challenge is YOU. What did you get out of this experience? What buttons did it push that was challenging? Did it spur you on to do another one?
Ready to take it up a notch?
If you are ready, we encourage you to do a week of Scaring Your Soul.
For the next seven days, “do one thing that scares you.” That means one thing every day where you intentionally push a comfort zone. Your act can be tiny. Baby steps. But at least once every day, take action.
-
- Call one person you are avoiding
- Do something that ramps up your sense of spirituality, or take 15 minutes to meditate
- Reconnect with an old friend you haven’t spoken to in ages
- Try a brand new physical practice, or move your body in a new and challenging way
- Eat vegan or plant-based for a day, or commit to being sober when you would normally drink
- Have an honest conversation with someone you care about
Whatever it is for YOU. But they key: DO IT.
Ready to take it up a notch?
If you are ready, we encourage you to do a week of Scaring Your Soul.
For the next seven days, “do one thing that scares you.” That means one thing every day where you intentionally push a comfort zone. Your act can be tiny. Baby steps. But at least once every day, take action.
-
- Call one person you are avoiding
- Do something that ramps up your sense of spirituality, or take 15 minutes to meditate
- Reconnect with an old friend you haven’t spoken to in ages
- Try a brand new physical practice, or move your body in a new and challenging way
- Eat vegan or plant-based for a day, or commit to being sober when you would normally drink
- Have an honest conversation with someone you care about
Whatever it is for YOU. But they key: DO IT.
Moving Forward - A Message From Scott Simon
Hello dear friend!
I want to offer my personal congratulations on starting your own Scare Your Soul journey. We all – no matter our background – have the human right to live the best life. One full of love, connection, joy. And, in my view, the key that unlocks that life is one word: courage.
I am so proud that Scare Your Soul offers free weekly challenges that will push you in all kinds of powerful ways. But – in reality – you don’t need our challenges to lead your boldest life. You just need to continue to tackle the small-but-brave acts that are meaningful to YOU.
Try this: In your mind, fast forward to one one year from today. What would your life look and be like if you chose to do one thing every day that scared you?
- What kind of new experiences will you have?
- What kind of real, vulnerable interactions will you have with loved ones?
- What ideas will you have that you will courageously share with others?
- What growth will you have in your work or communal life?
- What kind of role-modeling will you do for kids, grand-kids, or family members?
When we all adopt a Scare Your Soul attitude, we open doors to our lives. We often don’t know what will be on the other side. And that is delicious. To me, that is what life is all about.
So, starting TODAY, don’t let those petty, self-generated fears stop you. You have every right to an audacious, amazing life. The one you were destined to lead.
Best wishes on your journey ahead. Sending you lots of courage.
-Scott
PS: Send me any questions or comments any time at scott@scareyoursoul.com – I try my best to answer each and every one.
